I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
