I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
