I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
