This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
