3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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