Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
