you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
