My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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