I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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