She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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