Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
