I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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