I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
