I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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