69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
