i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
