i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
