btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize