I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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