So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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