I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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