i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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