My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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