This is not my ceiling
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
