Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
