I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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