I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
