3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
