the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
