Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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