I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
