I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
