How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
