people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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