What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
