This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Randomize
