I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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