were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
