She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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