I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize