I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
