i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
