How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
