One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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