she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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