I can tuck mytits in my pants
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
