This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
