so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
