I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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