i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
