in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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