i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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