Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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