508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
