how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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