she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
