I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
