bring money and cleavage
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
