I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
