The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
