I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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