I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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