I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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