When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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