I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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