I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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