This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
