He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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