Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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