My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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