Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am one with the molecules
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
