She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
