Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
from now on my penis is your penis
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
