He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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