So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
