She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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